so i've decided i like typing better than writing since i'm a perfectionist and i take forever to write...so i will be trying to update this so i can remember things. wow. i'm so tired. i'm finally done with my 3 AP tests (Statistics, Literature & Composition, and U.S. Government and Politics). tomorrow starts the last week of school for me. i'm excited, but the more i think about it i'm so unbelievably nervous. I thought everything would slow down once i finished AP tests but things keep coming at me. soon i will no longer be in high school. i still have two finals and a graduation speech to write. life just keeps coming at me. first of all my graduation speech is a complete disaster. it seems pretty hopeless since i don't want to be cheesy but i want it to be good. when i discuss this with others they try to console me by saying "no one will remember it" well thanks i know that (: but the problem is i can't just blow it off because no one will remember it because if it is stupid they will. so it has to be somewhat decent. also college is coming way to soon. i'm actually not too excited at all. i hate high school and all its crap but i'm terrified for college. the thought of making meals for myself all the time and never being able to talk to my mom face to face for several months is not one i like to entertain. i know it will be good for me and i will enjoy it but it honestly scares the crap out of me. goodness gracious.
on a lighter note, i did my senior recital last night. it went surprisingly well. i was so pleased. i wasn't even that nervous at all which is super great for me. I usually butcher songs because i'm shaking and sweating all over. not fun. but honestly it was so so fun and amazing and i just felt supported and loved by everyone there. all 3 of my teachers were able to make it which made me so happy. i couldn't have asked for anything more.
so i'm really at a loss of what to do concerning church right now. now that i'm 18 and soon to be graduated i get to decide if i go to singles ward, relief society, or stick with young womens. Young womens is awesome. i get a treat every week. honestly that is one of the parts i look forward to. the lessons are usually great as well but this is like my sixth time hearing them. i'm pretty sure i can do without them for awhile. also, even tho i love the girls they can tell i'm annoyed sometimes. i think they get annoyed with me too. in addition my leaders like to give me crap about being busy and being not able to show up to activities. seriously, give me a break. if you could only see all the things a senior now days has to do you would understand. relief society, no offense, is for old ladies. i know there are some younger ones but they are all at least 5 years older than me. sorry, but i think i'll pass. and singles ward...oh how confused i am about that. i want to be able to hang out with young people and have fun but it seems that our singles ward is full of guys who are not going on missions or young women who are not married or living at home while at college. while this is not necessarily bad i'm not sure i want to be surrounded by these influences. in addition, my mom has heard from the bishop that a large majority of the people in that ward have problems with morality and/or the word of wisdom...is that really where i want to spend my time before venturing off to college where i will need good influences and an even stronger testimony??? i'm not sure. any suggestions?
wow. well on the bright side i will be singing at the pops concert on tuesday! and i get to conduct the traditional song Omnia Sol. i'm pretty stoked but slightly nervous. we'll see how it goes. i guess there are just a lot of decisions to be making coming up. i still need a job. i still need to reserve housing for BYU-Idaho (which is where i have decided to go btw), and i need to be able to just spend some happy quality time with my family. i feel like that is one area i have seriously been lacking in this year. stout hw has kept me so busy that i just don't seem to have time for it. i know that is sad to say but it honestly is quite true. the other thing that is frustrating is that i have been working so hard (along with others -not saying i'm the only one) but some don't realize it. ug. that's a long story. but people keep praising Melanie when i'm the validictorian. sorry i won't get into that rant. i really don't need constant recognition but for the things that i work so hard for and have definitely earned to be discounted or ignorantly ignored is frustrating which i'm sure many people can relate to.
one last thing. i'm so so so so so eternally grateful for my mother. honestly she is the one who has kept me sane this last year and has helped and supported me with EVERYTHING this year. without her i honestly would not probably be the person i am today. she is so amazing and talented. she is creative and caring. i love her and i will completely and totally miss her.
i am also so thankful for my friends this year. they have helped me get through a lot. Mallory, Jay Redd (Jared Story), Marisol, Lexi, and JAY (: They are seriously great people and i have really been influenced by their testimonies and love and care for me.
anyways that's about it for today. i have a fireside in a bit. oh i should probably mention my main goal for this summer (besides getting a job). i plan to work out everyday so i look freakin hot in college! haha. but no really i just want to be healthy and happy. so i AM going to do it. FOR REAL (: sorry its just better to write it. well that's is for today! (:
