today is a good day.

today has been a wonderful day. i really really needed this.

i woke up fairly easy today. i wasn't dying to stay in bed. i read my scriptures. then i read my other stuff for Book of Mormon class. it didn't take long at all (don't get me wrong i love the scriptures but sometimes it takes forever to read my student manual). anyways, then i made chocolate chip muffins and bacon. i talked with my roommate about the gospel. then i did my calculus assignment that is due tomorrow. yes you got that right. i am ahead! i listened to rascal flatts! i love them.

i went to school. i was running late so my other roommate gave me a ride. in music 101 we watched a really cool video about beethoven. now this may sound nerdy but honestly, it was inspiring. it was awesome. then i went to physics. i wasn't really looking forward to the class because it is annoying. i usually go in there and leave feeling like a complete idiot. it is frustrating to never understand. today was different. my group somehow got to telling jokes. we told tons of totally clean, funny jokes. we laughed our heads off. i laughed till i cried. in physics. i know. man, it was SO awesome. i love that. then i went to calculus and everyone in my group felt the same about the test we just took (it stunk btw). we got similar answers too so i started feeling WAY more confident about it. then in Book of Mormon i just got to relax a little bit.

i came home. i ate some of those chocolate chip muffins. i ate some pringles. i got to talk to my mom. i got an amazing hilarious email from a family friend back home. my family got the letters i sent them. i practiced piano. i have my schedule for next semester practically done. i listened to josh groban. i remembered to water my plant. i felt the spirit.

gosh. i just love days like this. i am going to get ahead on hw, work out, make a good dinner, and do some crafts. it is just going to be an absolutely amazing night.

i also had my testimony strengthened this weekend. i had some hurtful moments in my house and not kidding, IMMEDIATELY after i started feeling down my mom text me just saying i love you. then RIGHT after that andrea sharp text me and just talked for a bit. then i went to take a shower at my friends apartment because our water heater was out and she invited me to come hang out with her. i went and got ready and my grandparents called. they honestly and genuinely just wanted to talk. they have been in france for the past 7 weeks. they called to apologize that they hadn't checked on me and wanted to know all about what i was doing and how i was. they invited me down for the weekend and offered to bring up a care package or take me shopping. All of this just happened. These people didn't know that i needed that support but my Heavenly Father did. He loves me.

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 1st Nephi 1:20

Heavenly Father never ceases to amaze me and remind me of his deep and eternal love for me.

i'm a grown up.

Everyone dreams of their life. I always dreamed about college. I dreamt that I would come and be a poor college student. I would have amazing roommates who I automatically bonded with. We would go shopping, eat ice cream, watch chick flicks, dress up, and flirt with boys. I would do super well in my classes. I would never change my major. I would be super happy and life would be crazy busy but mostly carefree. The most I would ever have to worry about would be what to wear on my next date. I would learn and grow a lot. Then one day I would be some fantastic guy and get married.

Sometimes dreams come true. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they do but not in the same way you planned.

I can't write everything that has been going on in my life but let me just say this - I feel like I have grown up about 30 years in the past month and a half. I had no clue I would ever be faced with, connected to, and deal with the things I have this semester.

Let me just be honest in my story of my first semester. When I got here it was ok at first but everyone was just so different. My roommates are not very social. I mean they are in our apartment but they have little desire to go out and make friends or do activities. I was a little depressed. Then we had some stealing issues in the apt. UG. Then I started classes. They are crazy. I got a 78% on my math test. I've never gotten that low. I wasn't too disappointed but still...

I don't know why I even brought that stuff up. That isn't even the real crazy stuff. Recently I found out that two of my friends had been date raped. I knew that happened...but to my friends? NO WAY. My dad has been out of a job for almost 6 months now. He's been diligently applying but he hasn't gotten/found the job that Heavenly Father has in store for him. One of my sweet roommates, Hailey has been having some seriously crazy health problems. She goes in today so they can put a camera down her throat and find out what is wrong. She has lost over ten pounds because she hasn't been able to eat much. I swear she's only 100 lbs anyways. I'm worried. Two of my other roomates are sick. We think it's bronchitus. Another roommate is homesick beyond belief. She is from AZ and therefore hasn't been able to go back. I feel for her. My last roommate is having some crazy family issues. I'm praying for her. I'm not really at liberty to share what exactly is going on but lets just say these are not things an 18 yr old girl should have to EVER deal with. In addition my best friend in the whole world just left on a mission. Let's just say that takes a lot of adjusting.

I NEVER, EVER, in my wildest dreams thought that I would be faced with this many issues in my first semester of college, or frankly ever. I know I'm nieve. I'm told that extremely often. But I like it better that way. If any of you could see the devestating effects these things have on people you could relate. It breaks your heart.

I didn't know I had this much to grow but I guess this is one of those experiences where Heavenly Father puts you in your place and lets you know you have to keep growing and enduring to the end. I have learned so much already. I've learned about first impressions. I've learned about pride and selfishness. I've learned about judging. I've learned about love and family. I've learned about the dangers of the world. I've learned that I am very blessed. I have an incredible family who loves me. I have a mom who I tell absolutely EVERYTHING too. I live close enough to be able to go home and see them. I haven't gotten sick (knock on wood). I'm not getting surgery. I have a great calling that allows me to serve the girls in my ward. I don't have to take very many foundation classes. I have food to eat. I have wholesome relationships. I have the gift of the Holy Ghost and the scriptures. I have a super cute room. I have a piano and workout room REALLY close to me. I have the new mindy gledhill cd. I have chocolate ice cream. I live super close to the grocery store. I have an inspiring piano teacher and professor. My favorite cereal was on sale. But honestly, the purpose of this post was not only to get my feelings out there but to express that I think the best thing to do is to never get down on yourself or feel bad for yourself. If you ever do, pray. Read the scriptures. AND most important...serve. That has honestly been the saving grace for me with all these trials. It's hard, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I would rather sulk in my misery and eat a gallon of ice cream. But it helps me SO much when I strive to thing about others. They have problems too. I challenge you, to try to serve when you are feeling caught up with yourself or when you being tried.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I have already been so blessed with my experiences here that have enabled me to help others in similar situations. I know I am being prepared for something better.

(:

passion.

wow. Well here I am sitting in my dorm room. It's been awhile since I've updated this thing and even if no one cares I feel obligated to update the blog on my current situation and thoughts.

College is honestly crazy. It is everything I expected and nothing I expected. Let me explain. BYU-I is amazing. There is an incredible spirit here. The campus in simply beautiful. The people are friendly (minus the girl who got up and moved after I sat next to her but that's her business). Calculus and physics are challenging. The h.w. is intense. My room is cute. On the other hand I have had some very unexpected situations come into my life. Some that are amazing and others not so much. I was called to 2nd counselor of my ward's Relief Society. It is amazing. The other members of the presidency are inspiring and loving. They are also real. I love that about them. We are going to the temple tomorrow (: yay! I've been needing that.

The last couple weeks have been terribly stressful and emotional. I'm not complaining. My problems are not anywhere near what many others in the world are facing but they are still problems. I won't tell you exactly what is going on since I can't disclose much of the information but it is at times quite overwhelming.

My piano professor and wonderful mother put some things in perspective for me.

I went in to play some music for the piano professor so he could assess my talent and recommend my student teacher as to where to direct me as to goals for this semester. I played my piece and he pointed out some good things I did. He then asked me what my goals were. I said that I wanted to work on the technical aspect of piano since I believe I have a good grip on playing with emotion. He then sat for a second and said: "You don't need to work on the technical aspect. You have everything that you need. You are talented, and you are musical, but your real gift is your passion. I sense a great sense of energy in you. The reason you are having a hard time deciding what to minor in is because of your passion. When you pick something to do you stick to it. You have a strong conviction and dedication and you don't do anything half way. Your passion comes through in your music. You invest so much of yourself into the piece sometimes though that it becomes overwhelming and the passion overcomes your ability to relax and play. You need to learn to hold some of yourself back."

Sorry that that was so long but it conveys a special message and insight for me that I never realized. I am very defensive of things that I care about. I get personally offended when someone speaks against the gospel or my friends. I get "depressed" when people mock my love for academics and music. When people question my abilities or my loves or passions I get frustrated. I don't like to do things half way. I work and give things my all. I devote my whole self to things I am set on doing.

It is just a part of me. I love the gospel. I love to learn. I love music. I love my best friend. I love my family. I love the scriptures. I love feeling the spirit. I love praying and getting answers. I love going to the temple. I love being me. and that's all that I can be.

"Whatever you are, be a good one." -quote above our front door.

HUNGER GAMES CAST.

ok blogger wants to keep messing up how it looks so sorry if things look messed up. i really tried to fix them (:


Katniss Everdeen -Emily Browning

Peeta -William Moseley

Gale - Adam Gregory

Haymitch - Hugh Laurie

Rue - Yara Shahidi

Thresh - Tristan Wilds

























Finnick - Adam Senn

Prim - Elle Fanning

Glimmer - Emma Degerstedt

Cinna - Hugh Dancy

Johanna or Clove - Lyndsy Fonseca

Mags or Pres. Coin - Dame Judi Dench

Cato - Stanslav Ianevski

Mr. Everdeen - Jeffrey Morgan

there are many more characters but this is what I had patience to find today! (:

food and the other things that occupy my mind.

#1 FOOD

I love food! I absolutely love it. I have eaten so badly this week. It's quite horrible. Here is a list of the junk I have eaten just this week:

Funnel Cake
Costco pizza
Coldstone ice cream (sweet cream ice cream w/ pecans, peanut butter, fudge, and brownies - stop drooling)
Taco Bell nachos
Taco Bell bean burrito
McDonalds smoothie
About 10 homemade banana chocolate chip muffins
McDonalds BBQ snack wrap w/ fries and a sprite

yeah its all pretty great stuff! I should probably start to fight this addiction.

#2 MUSIC

I am pretty much obsessed with Francesca Battistelli and Kerrie Roberts. They are both Christian artists which I am falling deeper and deeper in love with. But honestly, their music is so original, beautiful, soulful, and deep. I can't get enough of it! I love almost every song I find by them, especially Francesca. (You see I know her well enough now that we are on a first name basis! lol.) anyways, to any of you who might be reading this, please go listen to these two fine artists.
Also I found another "band" I guess you could call them. Their name is HelenaMaria. They are two Greek twin sisters that do covers of popular songs. If you are interested search "HelenaMaria Love the way you lie" on youtube and click the first result. It is incredible. They are talented girls.

#3 COLLEGE

This along with dating, marriage, and future family plans are the only things people like to talk to me about. I guess you could say it gets tedious and annoying, but it shows they care about me and my life right??? Well anyways, whether or not they care, I have to face the fact that these are the things that my life will revolve around for basically forever. (Don't get me wrong these are all important and wonderful things I just don't like the rush.) The countdown till I leave is currently at 12 days. Holy moly! Where did all my time go?? It's so nerve racking and yet strangely exhilirating. I think I am more excited than nervous now but that changes on a daily basis. I still have not reached the realization that I leave in 12 days. Wow! It's gonna be great. We had our back to school father's blessing this week. I think this was an important mark as since then I have been more anxious and happy. I have been hesitant about my roomates. The ones I have met seem very sweet but I still haven't met 2 and I just want to have a good relationship unlike one of my friends who just never went to her apartment except to sleep. But in the blessing my dad said something to the affect of "put your mind at ease. the roomates you have, have been chosen for you at this time" whew! A complete sense of relief came over me and ever since I have been looking forward to this new experience and all the opportunites that accompany it. (: yay!

#4 ZUMBA

Sooo...with all the food I've been eating I've been trying to work out...you know try and balance it out a bit. haha. anyways, a couple months ago Jay and I were walking the track at the Rec Center. His mom and sister were in a studio doing Zumba. We could see in the windows and would tease Ana by mimicking dance moves. We thought it was all fun and games but when they finished it turned out she had thought we were being quite cruel. So we were dared to come do a Zumba class before I left for college and before he left on his mission. So on Monday we went to do the Zumba class. It was amazingly fun. For those of you who do not know, Zumba is a cardio workout that is based on latin dance. It is intense and I love it. I have since been back for two classes and I'm looking into doing it at BYU-I. You should all try it out.

#5 DATE

So my brother Jonathon turned 16 on Wednesday (his first day of school). So I am going on a double date with him. It should be really fun. We are going bowling. I will update on what happens tomorrow (:

PEACE OUT (:

first impressions and friends

So this title may sound a bit decieving because I am talking about each of these subjects seperately.

First off, first impressions. They are pretty important. With the stage of life I'm at, first impressions are going to be very critical. In less than a month I will be meeting my roomates, ward, FHE group, etc. I am trying to not base my opinions on the first impression. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Not too much of the benefit so I make concessions or stupid choices of friends but I don't want to start out with a bad opinion of anyone.

Second, friends. I have me some pretty great ones. I've enjoyed going to singles ward and strengthening and gaining friendships. There are lots of good people in the world. I've noticed that many times friends come and go. You change, they change, circumstances change...but some stay the same.

I met Marisol in seventh grade. We became really good friends in Mrs. Butkus's advisory in eighth grade. We always made each other laugh and could share all of our secrets. She's one heck of a girl. Well we've been off and on best friends I guess you could say. For the first three years of High School we had barely any classes together so we didn't see each other much. Then she moved into my ward. Senior year we ended up having half of our classes together. It was great. We've been able to do so much together. She is leaving for UofI on thursday. I'm nervous and excited for her. I'm so proud of her. I want to wish her the best in whatever life brings her. I know she is going to be amazingly successful. She is so sweet, strong, and talented.

My other really good friend is Jay. I met Jay the second semester of my freshman year of high school. I got into the top choir at Skyview so I had to switch my seminary class. I met him there, but we never talked much. The next year we were in the same seminary class and had similar friends so we ended up seeing each other a lot. We were even in a singing group together. The rest is kind of history. We've been friends for over 3 years now. He's great! He's currently preparing to serve a mission. I know he'll be great. It always makes me happy to see my good friends go on missions. I know they will bless the lives of many people with the gospel. I would also like to wish him the best in life.

I have been so blessed to have met so many great people throughout my life. I have an incredible parents, super siblings, and fantastic friends. I know there are too many people to name that have been to sent to influence my life for the better. Thanks to all of my friends and family (extended included). I wish I could write a paragraph describing why I love you each so much. Thanks for everyone who has been there for me. I am simply grateful.

thank you.
(:

i feel successful.

So I feel I have been quite successful that last little while. First off, yesterday I found out that I currently have 46 credits at BYU-I. Let me repeat that again...46 CREDITS!!!! That is basically three semesters worth of credits. High School wasn't a complete waste of time! YAY! I don't have to take 3 math classes, american history, english 101, humanities 101, and more! yipee! I'm one happy girl. I feel like I have already done something with my life. It feels unbelievably good.

In addition, I have also always dreamed about the summer before college and getting all the cool stuff for college. Most importan (for girls) is the comforter. I've been looking EVERYWHERE for one that is me. No luck. I even decided I would make one but when pricing what I wanted it was over $60...no thanks. So I just decided I would stick with the old one I have. BUT then I was at Walmart and found one for $16. It's plain black. My creative brain starting swimming with ideas at the store. So I bought it. I also bought some green sheets. Then I had fabric at home to make cute pillows. Anyways long story short, I now have a super cute dorm theme. I made a lamp and comforter set for approx. $35. That includes fabric, lamp, lamp shade, ribbon, buttons, stuffing, sheets, pillow cases, light bulb, etc! I'm stoked. AND...the best part is that I made it. I mean I had some help from my mom which was great, but I did it. I can look at it everyday and feel good because it is mine and it was cheap. So, I know I sound pretty girly right now, but I guess I better face the facts, I am a girl. (:

Here are some pics:

little brothers and allergies.

Good afternoon! It's been a slightly adventurous week here in Nampa, ID. I've been getting a lot of stuff done for college. I recently cleaned out my ENTIRE closet and ended up packing a large suitcase and tote full of warm clothes for BYU-I. I'm pretty excited. I have gotten some pretty good deals on everything that I have needed to get. I still have to find a laptop, backpack, comforter, books, and cooking stuff. I still have quite a bit of time, almost a month, till I leave so I've still got plenty of time.

So I had a couple funny things I was going to share. They have to deal with my little brother Logan. Logan is an amazing little guy. He always knows when to hug you when you are sad and how to make you laugh. He is such a hunk. Well anyways, the other day I was talking about going away to college. When I told him I would be living all the way in Rexburg he started crying. He was quite upset and told me that was too far away. I told him it was going to be ok because I would come back to visit him often. Then he asked "Will you bring your kids with you?" Oh man, how did we go from a college to kids. I guess it is all connected in the 6 year old brain. Then he proceeds to tell me I have to find someone I love so I can get married and have kids. Then he leaves the room. He come back in with a pile of money. This pile contained over $15 so I knew it wasn't his money. I asked him where he found it and he just said "Oh, around the house." I knew it was his older brothers' room so my mom called them in and they saw the money and tried to grab it back (since it was theirs). Then Logan started freaking out and crying again as he said, "No guys! I'm saving that money for Melissa's wedding." I tried so hard not to laugh. He turned to me and said, "Wouldn't it be horrible if you had to pay for your own wedding? You would have to save for a long time!" Oh Logan. He cracks me up.

So this week I have developed some allergies. I had mild ones last year but it's totally hitting me this year. At first it wasn't too bad scratchy throat and a little congestion on Sunday/Monday. But now I am congested, have a sore throat, watery eyes, headaches and an ear ache. Grr. It's not much fun. I have had to cancel two voice lessons and maybe three. I really need to have those so I can rock my audition at BYU-I. Well hopefully they just go away because all the medicine I have tried is not working.

Anyways this week will be awesome. My dad, parker, and nate are going off to scout camp. It will be nice for them to get away. Nate has been gone for the past two weeks to other camping adventures but he likes getting out of the house so its good for him. Hopefully with less people I will be able to get even more done for college.

Well that's about it for now. Adios!

time flys when you're having fun.

Life goes by so quickly. At least it seems like it.

I remember the beginning of the summer. I had big plans to get ready for college, exercise, work, play, date, and have fun. The summer is almost over though. I have 47 days left still school starts. It's CRAZY!

I decided to write about this today because I was bored. I was looking through some pictures and found a prom album from last year on facebook. It was fun to see how my friends and I have changed.

Chris Redd is serving a mission. He was called to serve in Spain but as his visa goes through he spends his service in Provo, UT. Jay Valle is preparing for a mission as well. He leaves in October. He is going to be serving in Argentina. Bridget has been happily married for a week and one day! She finished a year of college and then moved to Arizona to follow the man that is now her husband. Oh my goodness! It's just crazy to think that just a year ago we were all in high school.

In addition, yesterday Logan decided to watch family videos. I was in the family room so I started watching them with him. It was fun. There was one part that caught my attention. I started yelling to my friend on the playground. His name is Jordan Bloomquist. So I decided I would go on facebook and look for him again. I found him! He goes to BYU-I too! Then I was looking at his pictures to see what he was up to and found he is friends with another one of my old friends Alex McRae. Alex also goes to BYU-I. We used to take piano lessons together when I first moved to Nampa. These boys used to be some of my good friends. It's a small world.

I went up to girls camp this year. I was bored and didn't have anything to do and I felt like it would be a good thing to do. So I went. During the testimony meeting I was looking around and realized I had babysat practically every girl there. It was funny. It's so fun to watch them grow up. (ha! that just made me sound old.) But really, it's amazing for me to look around and notice all the changes with my friends in just the last year or so. I guess the old saying "Time flys when you're having fun!" holds true.

It was just last week that I was at Roaring Springs and saw Jon Schmidt in concert, which by the way was absolutely incredible. Jon has a keen 6th sense for music. It is purely natural and inspired. He also has a powerful testimony that he shares through his music. It is wonderful. I can't believe it was a week ago. On the topic of concerts...last night some friends and I saw Moose Butter. They are a group of 4 men that sing acapella. They are also very funny! I got a kick out of their improvised harmony of Justin Beiber and Hannah Montanna. (: good times.

the situation.

So I have a feeling that today will not be a good day. Everything about the situation is starting to hit me and my family.

My dad has lost his job. He has been out of work for over a month. He applies for several jobs a day and has at least one interview a week but still nothing. We keep praying and hoping but I guess that's all part of this trial. We just barely, as of last week started recieving unemployment. This gives us $300 a week. This is only a fraction of what my dad used to bring in before. The frustrating thing is that no matter how much we cut back this will not provide the needed money for the house payment, food, utilities, and gas.

Sometimes when I face this reality I begin to become excited for college. I will be on my own providing for just me. I have scholarships and will hopefully be able to get a job to offer some spending money. I will be able to take care of myself. But then I feel guilty. It seems like I'm almost deserting my family. I will be happy and they might not be if my dad doesn't find a job quickly.

I know the Lord will provide for us. I know He and many other people love us and will support us through this trial.

I just don't know what to do at the moment. I can't live like this is not happening but I can't (and won't) be depressed all day.

I think for now I am going to act on the promise I made to my home teachers just yesterday. And that is to make a list of all the people I know (especially inactive or non-member ones) and put it in my scriptures and then each time I read I will be able to see their names and think of how I will be able to help those of them who I am directed to know need help.

President Henry B. Eyring wrote the First Presidency message for this month. Among his brilliant words is this quote I want to end with:
"In the next few days you will have many opportunites to be a friend for Him. It may be as you walk on a dusty road. It may be as you sti down in a rialroad car. It may be as you look for a place to sit in a Church congregation. If you are watching, you will see someone carrying a heavy burden. It may be a burden of sorrow or loneliness or resentment. It may be visible to you only if you have prayed for the Spirit to give you eyes to see into hearts and have promised to life up the hands that hang down."

(:

waterslides and gratitude.

So, there is an amazing water park in Meridian...Roaring Springs. Everyone goes there. It's pretty insane. Several intense waterslides, group rides, lazy river, wave pool...yeah.

I have only been to this water park once before last night and it was not the best experience. It was 5th grade. For our end of the year field trip we got to go to Roaring Springs. It was a big deal. Now I have an intense fear of height, which at this time I had not even tried to conquer. I think you can tell where this is going already...... Well basically I couldn't even make it up the stairs to some of these waterslides so I ended up not going on hardly anything. What made it worse, at least for a little insecure 5th grade girl is that my friends could. They kept bugging me to do stuff and eventually I ended up alone floating the lazy river for 3 hours. I also ended up with the worst sunburn I have had in my life. But overall the main bad memory associated with it is the loneliness.

Well since this time I have conquered much of my fear of heights. I have been on several roller coasters and hiking. But I think the big difference is is that on rollercoasters you start on the ground and once you're on, you're on for the whole ride. With waterslides you have many chances to back out. Anyways, I really thought I would be able to do it this time. I have even gone on other waterslides. So we have a regional young single adult (YSA) conference and we get to go for free so I decide to go. My friend and I grab a mat to go on the racing slides and as we begin the first flight of stairs my body just freezes and begins to freak out. I can't do it. I want to, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm pretty upset with myself and I'm afraid I will have to relive the experience of last time. Lame.

But my friend turns to me and says "I'll do whatever you want to do. I want you to have fun." Although I didn't believe it at first, it soon meant the world to me. Last night was a blast and I ended up having a ton of fun even though I couldn't go on any of the "cool" waterslides.

THANK YOU (:

i love...

I love the gospel. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love Gordon B. Hinckley, Joseph Smith, and all the other great apostles and prophets that have helped to bring to pass this work in the fullness of times. I love the knowledge of the atonement and the plan of happiness I have. I love Jesus Christ, my Savior. I love my Heavenly Father. I love the fact that I can pray to Heavenly Father and know that He is listening and answers my prayers. I love the spirit. I love crying because I can feel the spirit.

I love my family. I love my Dad and his quirks. I love my mom and the wonderful, amazing, completely incredible person she is. I love Jonathon and his mumbly singing. I love Nathan and his "i'm a hunk" looks. I love Parker and his insane brillian mind. I love Kimmy and her unconditional love and kindness. I love Logan and the way he can make you feel better in a instant with his hugs, smiles, and kisses.

I love playing piano. I love being able to sing. I love music. I love learning. I love running. I love smiling. I love camping. I love being outdoors. I love cooking. I love chocolate. I love reading. I love succeeding. I love being happy. I love making people laugh. I love laughing. I love making myself look really good. I love having a clean room. I love texting. I love the sun. I love school. I love being unbelievably busy. I love flip flops. I love taking walks. I love picnics. I love running through the fountain. I love flirting.

I love life. I love it.

I know this seems odd since my last post, just yesterday, talks about all my frustrations but right now I am so happy. The church makes me realize all that I have to be happy for and once I start going its hard to stop. -- I love the Relief Society presidency of the Nampa 28th ward for the incredible lesson on the atonement that touched my heart today. I love the Sunday School President of the Nampa 28th ward for the wonderful video he showed us and for his powerful testimony and knowledge. I love the missionaries that shared their thoughts with us. Their testimonies are an example to me. I love my ward. I love my friends. I love my Bishop.

And again, I love life.
Come what may.

(:

life is hard.

life. its hard.

I've always heard that trials seem to hit all at the same time. you usually don't have one big thing happen. It seems as soon as one big thing hits several semi-big things arrive the join the chaos. Well recently my dad lost his job. We have basically no income right now. It's different for sure. Then our laptop started freaking out. The hard drive is bi-polar so it can be a bit frustrating. This week our dryer broke. At least we still have a washer but currently our clothes are drying in the back yard. I never realized how much I loved our old, loud dryer. Everyone is a little on edge lately, including me. No one is quite sure what to do with our situation. We want to try to live normally as to not place stress on dad and rub salt in the wound by sounding the fact he is unemployed but we also have to realize the fact that we shouldn't be taking anything for granted. It's a tough balance. With everyone on edge contention, sad to say, has a almost permenant presence in our home. No matter how much we try it still stays. My brother just punched a hole in my parents' door the other day. haha. it's sure fun.

I love my family. And it's hard for me to have this trial, especially right before I leave for college. I had this fairytale dream that we would be happy and able to just play all summer, then have a blast on a last summer vacation before I'm gone for a year. I don't see that happening.

but, that's ok. Our family has been so blessed for so long. While tons of families in our ward were in and out of work, losing their homes, and pretending to be something they're not, my family was living a pleasant and comfortable life. We had EVERYTHING we needed, and even stuff we didn't need.

and, we are still being blessed. My dad has had several job interviews. I have been able to find things for college at thrift stores and yard sales. Today I bought super nice cookie sheets for $1. I also got some bowls, organizing containers, etc. One thing I'm super excited about finding is Christmas glasses. I know it sounds weird, but let me explain. We have these super pretty glasses that have holly and berries on them that we use for Christmas dinner and sometimes Thanksgiving. They don't make these glasses anymore, but I found some! 15 for $2!!! I'm so excited (: I get to carry on the tradition with my future family. It will be so special.

in addition, I have had so many prayers answered and angels watching over me this last little while. FIRST of all, at Girls Camp last week we were in a fireside that was really interesting. All of the sudden a car alarm started going off. It was getting very distracting. I prayed that the car alarm would stop so I could get something out of this wonderful fireside. Literally right after I finished my prayer...it stopped! It was amazing. My own personal miracle. The SECOND event occurred when I was at the firework show in Melba with my family and Jay. Jay and I had walked over to see one of my friends. On our way back we had to cross a small street. We made sure we had clearance to pass since it was getting darker. We started walking and the orange pickup just kept speeding up. After he yelled out they finally stopped with the bummer touching my side. I literally could have died or been injured. It was so scary. I started crying and wouldn't stop shaking. I didn't realize what was happening, but Heavenly Father did. He loves me so much! I wish I could love him even a fraction of what he loves me. wow. THIRD, I recently had to make a really important decision. I prayed and got the answer. I knew what I had to do but it was a little scary. I then prayed for strength. I received that too. Then after I acted on the answer with the strength I thought I would be ok. I'm not. It's hard to deal with the side effects of this action. I know I did the right thing which makes it a bit easier, but it's still a huge adjustment. Sometimes I succeed in distracting myself but there is usually something there to remind me (ha! i just realized that is a song.)

and, there is one MORE blessing. Yesterday was Friday July 9th. I woke up with a bad outlook since I knew I would most likely have nothing to do that day and nothing that night to look forward to the whole day. What kind of young teenager am I? Nothing to do on a Friday night = lame. I didn't even have a babysitting job. Anyways in my morning prayers I asked Heavenly Father that if there was any way He could make it so I got my AP scores that day it would be amazing. Now maybe they were already in the mail and I would have gotten them anyways so my prayer was more on the lines of coincidence but I'd like to think it was an answered prayer because Heavenly Father knew ahead of time that I would need that yesterday (: so I'm sticking with that story. Anyways, the mail came early that day and carried with it my AP Scores. I was so nervous to open it. But I did, and immediately started crying. Just before I tell you my scores I should explain how it works. They are graded on a scale of 1 to 5. A 3 and above is passing. Previous to this year I have recieved a 3 on AP US History and a 4 on AP English Language and Composition. This year I took three AP tests. I worked my butt off for each of them. I studied my brains out and stressed for weeks. I was almost positive I had failed Statistics. Well so back to the reason I started crying...I recieved a "5" on AP English Literature and Composition and on AP Statistics!!! In addition I recieved a "4" on AP Government and Politics. I was so unbelievably happy!! I had to keep checking to make sure the scores were real. (: oh gosh! talk about distracting. I just can't express my happiness!

Anyways...so life is hard. but there are so many things to be grateful for (: well I better go and figure out what my plans are for tonight. peace out!

thoughts about life

so i've decided i like typing better than writing since i'm a perfectionist and i take forever to write...so i will be trying to update this so i can remember things. wow. i'm so tired. i'm finally done with my 3 AP tests (Statistics, Literature & Composition, and U.S. Government and Politics). tomorrow starts the last week of school for me. i'm excited, but the more i think about it i'm so unbelievably nervous. I thought everything would slow down once i finished AP tests but things keep coming at me. soon i will no longer be in high school. i still have two finals and a graduation speech to write. life just keeps coming at me. first of all my graduation speech is a complete disaster. it seems pretty hopeless since i don't want to be cheesy but i want it to be good. when i discuss this with others they try to console me by saying "no one will remember it" well thanks i know that (: but the problem is i can't just blow it off because no one will remember it because if it is stupid they will. so it has to be somewhat decent. also college is coming way to soon. i'm actually not too excited at all. i hate high school and all its crap but i'm terrified for college. the thought of making meals for myself all the time and never being able to talk to my mom face to face for several months is not one i like to entertain. i know it will be good for me and i will enjoy it but it honestly scares the crap out of me. goodness gracious.
on a lighter note, i did my senior recital last night. it went surprisingly well. i was so pleased. i wasn't even that nervous at all which is super great for me. I usually butcher songs because i'm shaking and sweating all over. not fun. but honestly it was so so fun and amazing and i just felt supported and loved by everyone there. all 3 of my teachers were able to make it which made me so happy. i couldn't have asked for anything more.
so i'm really at a loss of what to do concerning church right now. now that i'm 18 and soon to be graduated i get to decide if i go to singles ward, relief society, or stick with young womens. Young womens is awesome. i get a treat every week. honestly that is one of the parts i look forward to. the lessons are usually great as well but this is like my sixth time hearing them. i'm pretty sure i can do without them for awhile. also, even tho i love the girls they can tell i'm annoyed sometimes. i think they get annoyed with me too. in addition my leaders like to give me crap about being busy and being not able to show up to activities. seriously, give me a break. if you could only see all the things a senior now days has to do you would understand. relief society, no offense, is for old ladies. i know there are some younger ones but they are all at least 5 years older than me. sorry, but i think i'll pass. and singles ward...oh how confused i am about that. i want to be able to hang out with young people and have fun but it seems that our singles ward is full of guys who are not going on missions or young women who are not married or living at home while at college. while this is not necessarily bad i'm not sure i want to be surrounded by these influences. in addition, my mom has heard from the bishop that a large majority of the people in that ward have problems with morality and/or the word of wisdom...is that really where i want to spend my time before venturing off to college where i will need good influences and an even stronger testimony??? i'm not sure. any suggestions?
wow. well on the bright side i will be singing at the pops concert on tuesday! and i get to conduct the traditional song Omnia Sol. i'm pretty stoked but slightly nervous. we'll see how it goes. i guess there are just a lot of decisions to be making coming up. i still need a job. i still need to reserve housing for BYU-Idaho (which is where i have decided to go btw), and i need to be able to just spend some happy quality time with my family. i feel like that is one area i have seriously been lacking in this year. stout hw has kept me so busy that i just don't seem to have time for it. i know that is sad to say but it honestly is quite true. the other thing that is frustrating is that i have been working so hard (along with others -not saying i'm the only one) but some don't realize it. ug. that's a long story. but people keep praising Melanie when i'm the validictorian. sorry i won't get into that rant. i really don't need constant recognition but for the things that i work so hard for and have definitely earned to be discounted or ignorantly ignored is frustrating which i'm sure many people can relate to.
one last thing. i'm so so so so so eternally grateful for my mother. honestly she is the one who has kept me sane this last year and has helped and supported me with EVERYTHING this year. without her i honestly would not probably be the person i am today. she is so amazing and talented. she is creative and caring. i love her and i will completely and totally miss her.
i am also so thankful for my friends this year. they have helped me get through a lot. Mallory, Jay Redd (Jared Story), Marisol, Lexi, and JAY (: They are seriously great people and i have really been influenced by their testimonies and love and care for me.
anyways that's about it for today. i have a fireside in a bit. oh i should probably mention my main goal for this summer (besides getting a job). i plan to work out everyday so i look freakin hot in college! haha. but no really i just want to be healthy and happy. so i AM going to do it. FOR REAL (: sorry its just better to write it. well that's is for today! (: