life is hard.

life. its hard.

I've always heard that trials seem to hit all at the same time. you usually don't have one big thing happen. It seems as soon as one big thing hits several semi-big things arrive the join the chaos. Well recently my dad lost his job. We have basically no income right now. It's different for sure. Then our laptop started freaking out. The hard drive is bi-polar so it can be a bit frustrating. This week our dryer broke. At least we still have a washer but currently our clothes are drying in the back yard. I never realized how much I loved our old, loud dryer. Everyone is a little on edge lately, including me. No one is quite sure what to do with our situation. We want to try to live normally as to not place stress on dad and rub salt in the wound by sounding the fact he is unemployed but we also have to realize the fact that we shouldn't be taking anything for granted. It's a tough balance. With everyone on edge contention, sad to say, has a almost permenant presence in our home. No matter how much we try it still stays. My brother just punched a hole in my parents' door the other day. haha. it's sure fun.

I love my family. And it's hard for me to have this trial, especially right before I leave for college. I had this fairytale dream that we would be happy and able to just play all summer, then have a blast on a last summer vacation before I'm gone for a year. I don't see that happening.

but, that's ok. Our family has been so blessed for so long. While tons of families in our ward were in and out of work, losing their homes, and pretending to be something they're not, my family was living a pleasant and comfortable life. We had EVERYTHING we needed, and even stuff we didn't need.

and, we are still being blessed. My dad has had several job interviews. I have been able to find things for college at thrift stores and yard sales. Today I bought super nice cookie sheets for $1. I also got some bowls, organizing containers, etc. One thing I'm super excited about finding is Christmas glasses. I know it sounds weird, but let me explain. We have these super pretty glasses that have holly and berries on them that we use for Christmas dinner and sometimes Thanksgiving. They don't make these glasses anymore, but I found some! 15 for $2!!! I'm so excited (: I get to carry on the tradition with my future family. It will be so special.

in addition, I have had so many prayers answered and angels watching over me this last little while. FIRST of all, at Girls Camp last week we were in a fireside that was really interesting. All of the sudden a car alarm started going off. It was getting very distracting. I prayed that the car alarm would stop so I could get something out of this wonderful fireside. Literally right after I finished my prayer...it stopped! It was amazing. My own personal miracle. The SECOND event occurred when I was at the firework show in Melba with my family and Jay. Jay and I had walked over to see one of my friends. On our way back we had to cross a small street. We made sure we had clearance to pass since it was getting darker. We started walking and the orange pickup just kept speeding up. After he yelled out they finally stopped with the bummer touching my side. I literally could have died or been injured. It was so scary. I started crying and wouldn't stop shaking. I didn't realize what was happening, but Heavenly Father did. He loves me so much! I wish I could love him even a fraction of what he loves me. wow. THIRD, I recently had to make a really important decision. I prayed and got the answer. I knew what I had to do but it was a little scary. I then prayed for strength. I received that too. Then after I acted on the answer with the strength I thought I would be ok. I'm not. It's hard to deal with the side effects of this action. I know I did the right thing which makes it a bit easier, but it's still a huge adjustment. Sometimes I succeed in distracting myself but there is usually something there to remind me (ha! i just realized that is a song.)

and, there is one MORE blessing. Yesterday was Friday July 9th. I woke up with a bad outlook since I knew I would most likely have nothing to do that day and nothing that night to look forward to the whole day. What kind of young teenager am I? Nothing to do on a Friday night = lame. I didn't even have a babysitting job. Anyways in my morning prayers I asked Heavenly Father that if there was any way He could make it so I got my AP scores that day it would be amazing. Now maybe they were already in the mail and I would have gotten them anyways so my prayer was more on the lines of coincidence but I'd like to think it was an answered prayer because Heavenly Father knew ahead of time that I would need that yesterday (: so I'm sticking with that story. Anyways, the mail came early that day and carried with it my AP Scores. I was so nervous to open it. But I did, and immediately started crying. Just before I tell you my scores I should explain how it works. They are graded on a scale of 1 to 5. A 3 and above is passing. Previous to this year I have recieved a 3 on AP US History and a 4 on AP English Language and Composition. This year I took three AP tests. I worked my butt off for each of them. I studied my brains out and stressed for weeks. I was almost positive I had failed Statistics. Well so back to the reason I started crying...I recieved a "5" on AP English Literature and Composition and on AP Statistics!!! In addition I recieved a "4" on AP Government and Politics. I was so unbelievably happy!! I had to keep checking to make sure the scores were real. (: oh gosh! talk about distracting. I just can't express my happiness!

Anyways...so life is hard. but there are so many things to be grateful for (: well I better go and figure out what my plans are for tonight. peace out!