thoughts about life

so i've decided i like typing better than writing since i'm a perfectionist and i take forever to write...so i will be trying to update this so i can remember things. wow. i'm so tired. i'm finally done with my 3 AP tests (Statistics, Literature & Composition, and U.S. Government and Politics). tomorrow starts the last week of school for me. i'm excited, but the more i think about it i'm so unbelievably nervous. I thought everything would slow down once i finished AP tests but things keep coming at me. soon i will no longer be in high school. i still have two finals and a graduation speech to write. life just keeps coming at me. first of all my graduation speech is a complete disaster. it seems pretty hopeless since i don't want to be cheesy but i want it to be good. when i discuss this with others they try to console me by saying "no one will remember it" well thanks i know that (: but the problem is i can't just blow it off because no one will remember it because if it is stupid they will. so it has to be somewhat decent. also college is coming way to soon. i'm actually not too excited at all. i hate high school and all its crap but i'm terrified for college. the thought of making meals for myself all the time and never being able to talk to my mom face to face for several months is not one i like to entertain. i know it will be good for me and i will enjoy it but it honestly scares the crap out of me. goodness gracious.
on a lighter note, i did my senior recital last night. it went surprisingly well. i was so pleased. i wasn't even that nervous at all which is super great for me. I usually butcher songs because i'm shaking and sweating all over. not fun. but honestly it was so so fun and amazing and i just felt supported and loved by everyone there. all 3 of my teachers were able to make it which made me so happy. i couldn't have asked for anything more.
so i'm really at a loss of what to do concerning church right now. now that i'm 18 and soon to be graduated i get to decide if i go to singles ward, relief society, or stick with young womens. Young womens is awesome. i get a treat every week. honestly that is one of the parts i look forward to. the lessons are usually great as well but this is like my sixth time hearing them. i'm pretty sure i can do without them for awhile. also, even tho i love the girls they can tell i'm annoyed sometimes. i think they get annoyed with me too. in addition my leaders like to give me crap about being busy and being not able to show up to activities. seriously, give me a break. if you could only see all the things a senior now days has to do you would understand. relief society, no offense, is for old ladies. i know there are some younger ones but they are all at least 5 years older than me. sorry, but i think i'll pass. and singles ward...oh how confused i am about that. i want to be able to hang out with young people and have fun but it seems that our singles ward is full of guys who are not going on missions or young women who are not married or living at home while at college. while this is not necessarily bad i'm not sure i want to be surrounded by these influences. in addition, my mom has heard from the bishop that a large majority of the people in that ward have problems with morality and/or the word of wisdom...is that really where i want to spend my time before venturing off to college where i will need good influences and an even stronger testimony??? i'm not sure. any suggestions?
wow. well on the bright side i will be singing at the pops concert on tuesday! and i get to conduct the traditional song Omnia Sol. i'm pretty stoked but slightly nervous. we'll see how it goes. i guess there are just a lot of decisions to be making coming up. i still need a job. i still need to reserve housing for BYU-Idaho (which is where i have decided to go btw), and i need to be able to just spend some happy quality time with my family. i feel like that is one area i have seriously been lacking in this year. stout hw has kept me so busy that i just don't seem to have time for it. i know that is sad to say but it honestly is quite true. the other thing that is frustrating is that i have been working so hard (along with others -not saying i'm the only one) but some don't realize it. ug. that's a long story. but people keep praising Melanie when i'm the validictorian. sorry i won't get into that rant. i really don't need constant recognition but for the things that i work so hard for and have definitely earned to be discounted or ignorantly ignored is frustrating which i'm sure many people can relate to.
one last thing. i'm so so so so so eternally grateful for my mother. honestly she is the one who has kept me sane this last year and has helped and supported me with EVERYTHING this year. without her i honestly would not probably be the person i am today. she is so amazing and talented. she is creative and caring. i love her and i will completely and totally miss her.
i am also so thankful for my friends this year. they have helped me get through a lot. Mallory, Jay Redd (Jared Story), Marisol, Lexi, and JAY (: They are seriously great people and i have really been influenced by their testimonies and love and care for me.
anyways that's about it for today. i have a fireside in a bit. oh i should probably mention my main goal for this summer (besides getting a job). i plan to work out everyday so i look freakin hot in college! haha. but no really i just want to be healthy and happy. so i AM going to do it. FOR REAL (: sorry its just better to write it. well that's is for today! (:

WHAT'S UP?

hello again! (: i figured i should write in this after such a long time. and i just got bored of facebook so i figured i'd change it up for today. so i have a job now (: at Stone Creek Cafe. It is a really yummy country family feel restraunt. I also am preparing for this next school year. while i'm insanely excited to be a senior! (woo!) i'm also crazy nervous. there is so so much to do and decide. what to study? where to go to college? where to live when you get there? and most importantly...what to wear on the first day??? (: JK JK. anyways its going to be an adventure and that's exactly how i'm looking at it. I want to try new things, reach new goals, but still stick with my old ones. wow. that sounds uber cheesy... but its ok. well i should probably go do something productive (:

ta ta for now (said in a British accent)

(:

Hello again!

wow its been forever and i can't guarentee that this post will do any justice to all the stuff that has been going on in my life since i wrote a month ago. but oh well. i will do my best (: so right now there is so much going on: piano festival, the play, church, school, a dance, and all nw. so i will just cover a little bit on every subject.

first piano festival. only 1 week from saturday!!! i am doing 3 pieces. a 10 pg. concerto and 2 solos. i have to memorize all of them...which is my major challenge, but i am getting better and trying to stay optimistic. i am excited to perform. it will for sure be interesting. haha (: but my pieces are quite technical and i am learing a lot. i am also learning to balance time for practice, which is really important.

second the play. at school we are performing a show titled "dream" it is a musical rendition of Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream. I am playing Helena. a lot of my good friends are in it. it is coming along each day, but it is still pretty sketchy. i am interested to see how it all turns out. it has definitely been an adventure, and i am learning a lot about myself from it as well. i have also gained new bruises from falling down all over the stage...fun stuff (:

third is church. i am laurel president and we are planning a stake campout for all the laurels and priests. i am also a YCL (youth camp leader) for girl's camp this year, so i get to help plan that again. I know how to do a lot of stuff now from last year...so i think we will be more efficient (:

at school, life is crazy as always! we just did a jazz festival for madrigals. i am DYING to be a jazz vocalist now! it would be a blast! i am also reading this amazing book entitled "Amusing Ourselves to Death" for my AP language class. it is fascinating and can really be applied to my life.

I am also planning sadies! (: wow! fun stuff. we have some great plans for our date, but nothing is set yet. the theme is las vegas...sequins, feathers, lights, all the good stuff (: jk. i asked my best friend jay with a pokemon theme song rendition (: it was hilarious!!! wish i remembered it (: haha. then he answered me just the other day with a box of depends. those are the nasty diapers old people wear...they smell horrible! i had to go through each individual one to get my answer. it was funny, but embarassing. good thing i was at home.

And last but certainly not least...ALL NW!!! man that was the best!!! i got to work with my favorite conductor and composer Z. Randall Stroope. We even sang 2 of his songs. He was quite inspirational. i learned a lot about singing and music: feeling it and then expressing that feeling. It was also quite funny. i got to go with my amazing friends chelsea jenks and jay valle. we totally thought that we would never see each other. then when we got there we ended up seeing each other ALL the time (: we laughed a ton and were super crazy! it was great some of the looks we got from people. overall a great trip!

so that is about it...or what i can summarize for today (:

peace out!