simply me

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

i'm a grown up.

Everyone dreams of their life. I always dreamed about college. I dreamt that I would come and be a poor college student. I would have amazing roommates who I automatically bonded with. We would go shopping, eat ice cream, watch chick flicks, dress up, and flirt with boys. I would do super well in my classes. I would never change my major. I would be super happy and life would be crazy busy but mostly carefree. The most I would ever have to worry about would be what to wear on my next date. I would learn and grow a lot. Then one day I would be some fantastic guy and get married.

Sometimes dreams come true. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they do but not in the same way you planned.

I can't write everything that has been going on in my life but let me just say this - I feel like I have grown up about 30 years in the past month and a half. I had no clue I would ever be faced with, connected to, and deal with the things I have this semester.

Let me just be honest in my story of my first semester. When I got here it was ok at first but everyone was just so different. My roommates are not very social. I mean they are in our apartment but they have little desire to go out and make friends or do activities. I was a little depressed. Then we had some stealing issues in the apt. UG. Then I started classes. They are crazy. I got a 78% on my math test. I've never gotten that low. I wasn't too disappointed but still...

I don't know why I even brought that stuff up. That isn't even the real crazy stuff. Recently I found out that two of my friends had been date raped. I knew that happened...but to my friends? NO WAY. My dad has been out of a job for almost 6 months now. He's been diligently applying but he hasn't gotten/found the job that Heavenly Father has in store for him. One of my sweet roommates, Hailey has been having some seriously crazy health problems. She goes in today so they can put a camera down her throat and find out what is wrong. She has lost over ten pounds because she hasn't been able to eat much. I swear she's only 100 lbs anyways. I'm worried. Two of my other roomates are sick. We think it's bronchitus. Another roommate is homesick beyond belief. She is from AZ and therefore hasn't been able to go back. I feel for her. My last roommate is having some crazy family issues. I'm praying for her. I'm not really at liberty to share what exactly is going on but lets just say these are not things an 18 yr old girl should have to EVER deal with. In addition my best friend in the whole world just left on a mission. Let's just say that takes a lot of adjusting.

I NEVER, EVER, in my wildest dreams thought that I would be faced with this many issues in my first semester of college, or frankly ever. I know I'm nieve. I'm told that extremely often. But I like it better that way. If any of you could see the devestating effects these things have on people you could relate. It breaks your heart.

I didn't know I had this much to grow but I guess this is one of those experiences where Heavenly Father puts you in your place and lets you know you have to keep growing and enduring to the end. I have learned so much already. I've learned about first impressions. I've learned about pride and selfishness. I've learned about judging. I've learned about love and family. I've learned about the dangers of the world. I've learned that I am very blessed. I have an incredible family who loves me. I have a mom who I tell absolutely EVERYTHING too. I live close enough to be able to go home and see them. I haven't gotten sick (knock on wood). I'm not getting surgery. I have a great calling that allows me to serve the girls in my ward. I don't have to take very many foundation classes. I have food to eat. I have wholesome relationships. I have the gift of the Holy Ghost and the scriptures. I have a super cute room. I have a piano and workout room REALLY close to me. I have the new mindy gledhill cd. I have chocolate ice cream. I live super close to the grocery store. I have an inspiring piano teacher and professor. My favorite cereal was on sale. But honestly, the purpose of this post was not only to get my feelings out there but to express that I think the best thing to do is to never get down on yourself or feel bad for yourself. If you ever do, pray. Read the scriptures. AND most important...serve. That has honestly been the saving grace for me with all these trials. It's hard, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I would rather sulk in my misery and eat a gallon of ice cream. But it helps me SO much when I strive to thing about others. They have problems too. I challenge you, to try to serve when you are feeling caught up with yourself or when you being tried.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I have already been so blessed with my experiences here that have enabled me to help others in similar situations. I know I am being prepared for something better.

(:

Thursday, September 23, 2010

passion.

wow. Well here I am sitting in my dorm room. It's been awhile since I've updated this thing and even if no one cares I feel obligated to update the blog on my current situation and thoughts.

College is honestly crazy. It is everything I expected and nothing I expected. Let me explain. BYU-I is amazing. There is an incredible spirit here. The campus in simply beautiful. The people are friendly (minus the girl who got up and moved after I sat next to her but that's her business). Calculus and physics are challenging. The h.w. is intense. My room is cute. On the other hand I have had some very unexpected situations come into my life. Some that are amazing and others not so much. I was called to 2nd counselor of my ward's Relief Society. It is amazing. The other members of the presidency are inspiring and loving. They are also real. I love that about them. We are going to the temple tomorrow (: yay! I've been needing that.

The last couple weeks have been terribly stressful and emotional. I'm not complaining. My problems are not anywhere near what many others in the world are facing but they are still problems. I won't tell you exactly what is going on since I can't disclose much of the information but it is at times quite overwhelming.

My piano professor and wonderful mother put some things in perspective for me.

I went in to play some music for the piano professor so he could assess my talent and recommend my student teacher as to where to direct me as to goals for this semester. I played my piece and he pointed out some good things I did. He then asked me what my goals were. I said that I wanted to work on the technical aspect of piano since I believe I have a good grip on playing with emotion. He then sat for a second and said: "You don't need to work on the technical aspect. You have everything that you need. You are talented, and you are musical, but your real gift is your passion. I sense a great sense of energy in you. The reason you are having a hard time deciding what to minor in is because of your passion. When you pick something to do you stick to it. You have a strong conviction and dedication and you don't do anything half way. Your passion comes through in your music. You invest so much of yourself into the piece sometimes though that it becomes overwhelming and the passion overcomes your ability to relax and play. You need to learn to hold some of yourself back."

Sorry that that was so long but it conveys a special message and insight for me that I never realized. I am very defensive of things that I care about. I get personally offended when someone speaks against the gospel or my friends. I get "depressed" when people mock my love for academics and music. When people question my abilities or my loves or passions I get frustrated. I don't like to do things half way. I work and give things my all. I devote my whole self to things I am set on doing.

It is just a part of me. I love the gospel. I love to learn. I love music. I love my best friend. I love my family. I love the scriptures. I love feeling the spirit. I love praying and getting answers. I love going to the temple. I love being me. and that's all that I can be.

"Whatever you are, be a good one." -quote above our front door.