the situation.

So I have a feeling that today will not be a good day. Everything about the situation is starting to hit me and my family.

My dad has lost his job. He has been out of work for over a month. He applies for several jobs a day and has at least one interview a week but still nothing. We keep praying and hoping but I guess that's all part of this trial. We just barely, as of last week started recieving unemployment. This gives us $300 a week. This is only a fraction of what my dad used to bring in before. The frustrating thing is that no matter how much we cut back this will not provide the needed money for the house payment, food, utilities, and gas.

Sometimes when I face this reality I begin to become excited for college. I will be on my own providing for just me. I have scholarships and will hopefully be able to get a job to offer some spending money. I will be able to take care of myself. But then I feel guilty. It seems like I'm almost deserting my family. I will be happy and they might not be if my dad doesn't find a job quickly.

I know the Lord will provide for us. I know He and many other people love us and will support us through this trial.

I just don't know what to do at the moment. I can't live like this is not happening but I can't (and won't) be depressed all day.

I think for now I am going to act on the promise I made to my home teachers just yesterday. And that is to make a list of all the people I know (especially inactive or non-member ones) and put it in my scriptures and then each time I read I will be able to see their names and think of how I will be able to help those of them who I am directed to know need help.

President Henry B. Eyring wrote the First Presidency message for this month. Among his brilliant words is this quote I want to end with:
"In the next few days you will have many opportunites to be a friend for Him. It may be as you walk on a dusty road. It may be as you sti down in a rialroad car. It may be as you look for a place to sit in a Church congregation. If you are watching, you will see someone carrying a heavy burden. It may be a burden of sorrow or loneliness or resentment. It may be visible to you only if you have prayed for the Spirit to give you eyes to see into hearts and have promised to life up the hands that hang down."

(:

waterslides and gratitude.

So, there is an amazing water park in Meridian...Roaring Springs. Everyone goes there. It's pretty insane. Several intense waterslides, group rides, lazy river, wave pool...yeah.

I have only been to this water park once before last night and it was not the best experience. It was 5th grade. For our end of the year field trip we got to go to Roaring Springs. It was a big deal. Now I have an intense fear of height, which at this time I had not even tried to conquer. I think you can tell where this is going already...... Well basically I couldn't even make it up the stairs to some of these waterslides so I ended up not going on hardly anything. What made it worse, at least for a little insecure 5th grade girl is that my friends could. They kept bugging me to do stuff and eventually I ended up alone floating the lazy river for 3 hours. I also ended up with the worst sunburn I have had in my life. But overall the main bad memory associated with it is the loneliness.

Well since this time I have conquered much of my fear of heights. I have been on several roller coasters and hiking. But I think the big difference is is that on rollercoasters you start on the ground and once you're on, you're on for the whole ride. With waterslides you have many chances to back out. Anyways, I really thought I would be able to do it this time. I have even gone on other waterslides. So we have a regional young single adult (YSA) conference and we get to go for free so I decide to go. My friend and I grab a mat to go on the racing slides and as we begin the first flight of stairs my body just freezes and begins to freak out. I can't do it. I want to, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm pretty upset with myself and I'm afraid I will have to relive the experience of last time. Lame.

But my friend turns to me and says "I'll do whatever you want to do. I want you to have fun." Although I didn't believe it at first, it soon meant the world to me. Last night was a blast and I ended up having a ton of fun even though I couldn't go on any of the "cool" waterslides.

THANK YOU (:

i love...

I love the gospel. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love Gordon B. Hinckley, Joseph Smith, and all the other great apostles and prophets that have helped to bring to pass this work in the fullness of times. I love the knowledge of the atonement and the plan of happiness I have. I love Jesus Christ, my Savior. I love my Heavenly Father. I love the fact that I can pray to Heavenly Father and know that He is listening and answers my prayers. I love the spirit. I love crying because I can feel the spirit.

I love my family. I love my Dad and his quirks. I love my mom and the wonderful, amazing, completely incredible person she is. I love Jonathon and his mumbly singing. I love Nathan and his "i'm a hunk" looks. I love Parker and his insane brillian mind. I love Kimmy and her unconditional love and kindness. I love Logan and the way he can make you feel better in a instant with his hugs, smiles, and kisses.

I love playing piano. I love being able to sing. I love music. I love learning. I love running. I love smiling. I love camping. I love being outdoors. I love cooking. I love chocolate. I love reading. I love succeeding. I love being happy. I love making people laugh. I love laughing. I love making myself look really good. I love having a clean room. I love texting. I love the sun. I love school. I love being unbelievably busy. I love flip flops. I love taking walks. I love picnics. I love running through the fountain. I love flirting.

I love life. I love it.

I know this seems odd since my last post, just yesterday, talks about all my frustrations but right now I am so happy. The church makes me realize all that I have to be happy for and once I start going its hard to stop. -- I love the Relief Society presidency of the Nampa 28th ward for the incredible lesson on the atonement that touched my heart today. I love the Sunday School President of the Nampa 28th ward for the wonderful video he showed us and for his powerful testimony and knowledge. I love the missionaries that shared their thoughts with us. Their testimonies are an example to me. I love my ward. I love my friends. I love my Bishop.

And again, I love life.
Come what may.

(: