three questions

We often here that there are three essential questions that everyone in the world ponders about at some point in their life.
1. Who am I?
2. Where am I from?
3. Where am I going?

As a Christian I feel that I have a firm testimony of each of these questions in the eternal perspective.
1. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father.
2. I came from his presence to be tested here on this earth.
3. If I am righteous, I will someday be able to return to my Father's presence.

* Don't worry, I am not going to go all preachy and/or philosophical on you.

Anyways, currently I have been struggling with each of these questions in a more temporal manner.  I am at a very transitional stage of my life and for some reason I am struggling with a few of these things.

1. Who am I?
I feel like this question is a constant struggle for many people in my age range.  With all the masks we wear around the various people in our lives sometimes it becomes difficult to figure out who we really are and how to be true to that.  More specifically in my life I am struggling with a unique facet of this concept...my voice.  As a college senior majoring in vocal studies it would seem logical that I would already know about my voice and be able to classify and understand it.  It should be signature and I should be able to sing quite well.  In the last few weeks I have had some conflicting statements offered by teachers and respected individuals regarding manipulating my voice to be more truly "me."  The problem is...I seem to have no idea what "me" is.  Everything I try, I'm told, is not "me."  This confusion combined with my personal masks and insecurities is definitely creating some confusion in my life.
One individual said something quite interesting though.  She noted that I have been with my voice for the last almost 22 years so I know it better than anyone else.  I have to stay true to me and not let other's versions of "me" affect my own version of myself.
DUH.  Sometimes I feel like a get caught in a vortex of pleasing various sources and I never think about myself and living up to my potential.  In my scripture study this morning I read this quote, "If your ultimate goal is to please Him, you will feel a deep inner peace."  How inspiring! This is my new goal.


2. Where am I from?
Ok, this seems pretty self explanatory.  I am the daughter of David and Donna Fitzen.  I was born in Pocatello but claim Nampa, ID as my home.   My struggle comes when I try to synthesize who I was, who I have been, who I am, and who I want to be.  Wow, that sounds deep.  It isn't really. I am trying to combine elements I like about my 12 year old self with characteristics of my 17 year old self, and now my 21 year old self.   I guess I am just trying to be the best version of myself possible.  Talk about an eternal quest.  I just keep going back to the previous quote I shared.  Hmmmm.


3. Where am I going?
This one seems to be the source all the other above concerns mentioned above.  Although logically it is absurd, I feel that as a college graduate I should have more of my life put together than I do.  I don't know where I will be working this summer.  I don't know where I will be student teaching in the fall.  I have no clue what I will be doing after that.  I feel terrified to be a real grown up.  Of course I am excited for many of the possibilities that life can afford me but there is so much uncertainty.  I'm sure we've all been there, if we aren't continually in that position.  I feel like my life for the past 17 years has been defined by school and my hobbies and accomplishments therein.  I am interested to see how my life will change without the structure and definition I have had....Perhaps I will truly figure out the answer to question #1 and #2.
I know I want to keep learning.  I want to learn how to paint using water-colors.  I want to arrange more music.  I want to learn to play guitar. I want to plant a garden.


Through it all the previous quote keeps coming to mind....


"When our only desire is to please Him we will find a deep inner peace."  

School.

Hello again.

Fall is my favorite season of the entire year: falling leaves, splendid colors, delicious smells, chilly weather, daylight savings, cozy scarves and sweaters, and the start of a new school year.

With a new school year approaching I find myself reflecting on the past and contemplating the future.  My husband and I have already created a legitimate bucket list for this semester and I feel completely optimistic about our recreational plans for the coming months.  School on the other hand it making me rather anxious.  I start my senior year of college tomorrow...Say what?  I still feel like a little kiddo.  Although I feel completely grounded in my educational choices including my major, I in no way feel prepared to be a college graduate and an official music teacher. Fall semesters tend to be exciting and yet exceedingly challenging for me.  There is something about the preceding five month break combined with a unique set of challenges that seems to always occur during this season.  Although I welcome the challenge and thrive in the environment of learning here at BYU-Idaho, I can't help but be anxious for tomorrow...

September 16th will be a big day.

Despite my anxiety, I feel optimistic that this could be the best semester yet.  There are so many wonderful things to look forward.  My mantra for the upcoming week is:

Valle Family Bucket List.

Jay and I's schedules rarely line up.  He works in the early afternoon and I work nights.  When our schedules do coincide or we have a day off we often lounge around eating bad food and watching netflix.  We blame it on the fact that we can't think of any good ideas of things to do.  So...we made this list of things we wanted to do.  We still have about 18 days to finish it up but I thought I would write a little re-cap of the fun things we have done this summer!

Climb R Mountain

Go to Idaho Falls Temple

Watch Sunrise

Spa Night

Essential Oils Shower

INSANITY

Dance in the Moonlight

Do Yoga

Host a Potluck

Have a Bonfire

Go Camping

Read a Book

Star Gazing

Rexburg Rapids

Cook Pork Perfectly

Make Homemade Rosemary Bread

Take a Nap Outside

Take Pictures!

Service Project

Dress Up and Go Out to Dinner

Make a Video

Record a Cover

Bake a Rainbow Cake

Lose 7 Lbs.

Make Crème Brulee

Stencil Shirts

A few weeks ago we went into Idaho Falls for the evening.  We went to the temple and did Initiatories.  It was a tender and sacred experience for me that evening.  The spirit in the temple is so strong.  Afterwards we used an Olive Garden Gift card to go out to eat [Dress up and go out to eat].  The unlimited pasta bowl was to die for.  They have a new sauce, Asiago Garlic Alfredo, that is amazing.  Afterwards we went to DI and found some pretty sweet scores.  We also went to Walmart. [Service Project]  We saw a homeless man as we were entering so we decided to get him a bag of snacks: jerky, gum, water, granola bars, etc.  Jay was so excited to do this.  He has been wanting to do something like this for a while but just hasn't had the chance. We were grateful for the opportunity.  

One morning Jay woke me up super early and made some hot cocoa.  He then gathered some blankets and told me to come with him.  We drove up on the hill of Rexburg, by the temple.  From there we sipped hot cocoa, day dreamed, and watch the sun rise.  It was a beautiful morning and we were able to reflect on the beauty of the world our kind Heavenly Father has created for us.  We are very lucky.  

We found some cheap essential oil at Walmart titled Rosemary Mint.  MMM.  And then we each took a shower.  It was glorious.  The oil heats up with the warm water and it smell divine and clears out your sinuses.  

INSANITY...well we got through about a week and a half.  Then we had to go home to Nampa for a little visit.  It is hard to stay on an exercise plan while you are on vacation so we kinda dropped that, but we were progressively getting better and it felt really good.   Hopefully we can get back on it once we get started into school and get a more fixed schedule.  

Dance in the Moonlight.  So romantic.  So at the closing of the Madison County Fair they had a large fireworks display.  A local told us that the best view would be from the top of the hill.  As we began to drive to the top I remembered a hill on campus that we used to go sledding all the time in the winter.  We found the hill and climbed to the top with our blankets in hand.  We watched the mesmerizing fireworks display and then decided we could kill several birds with one stone.  We got to star gaze for a while.  Then we ran to the bottom of the hill, turned on some cheesy music on my phone, and danced in the moonlight.  It was a blast.  So sweet.  

Along with helping the homeless man we plan on doing service as we volunteer as team leaders for Get Connected.  Get Connected is a program at BYU-Idaho that connects new freshman to other new freshman and introduces them to all aspects of their new college life.  I've always wanted to do it and I'm so excited for the opportunity to share all that I love about this campus.  It's the best place on earth for me.  

Ever since I bought Jay a SWEET recording mic for his birthday we have been trying to record a cover.  We are finally making some headway and we recorded a good portion last night.  We are not completely done but it's getting pretty legit.  We are recording a slow piano version of La Roux's Bulletproof.  Look out...it's gonna be good.  

Rainbow Cake.  What a fun adventure.  We've seen millions of pictures of these babies so we thought we would make one of our own.  When we completed it had SIX layers, tons of frosting, and loads of sprinkles.  We invited some of our dear friends over to help us consume this monstrosity.  It was actually pretty amazing and relatively healthy.  Quick recipe for you: 1 box cake mix, 1 cup greek yogurt, 1 cup water.  That's it.  You can make it into cake, cupcakes, whatever.  It is incredibly most and cuts out a ton of the calories.  MMM.  After the cake we played Balderdash.  If you don't know what it is you need to buy it immediately.  It is one of the best games out there.  Trust me.  

Even though this is not on our bucket list I thought I would share that we went to the fair a couple weeks ago on dollar night.  We rode the ferris wheel and some other ride and then shared a Reed's dairy ice cream.  It was a blast.  We both had to conquer some fears but it was such a simple, fun, beautiful night.  

This summer has been blast.  

To be continued...

(: